Grumio

COCKS PASSION!

I said it, I swore, I whispered it, spoke it, a little louder then I SCREAMED IT. And as a result I got the part. Another part. The theater called me back. I wasn't satisfied with dancing, laying still or prancing around in a dog suit. It was time to find a part where I had a bigger role to play. I wanted a big enough role where I had a microphone, and I was heard without having to scram into the auditorium. That was my dream, would it come true? I wanted to be center stage, have the leading role, be able to be seen, be heard, be remembered! I still feel that it is not here yet... I am... still a servant.

I got the role because I was the happy fool who could portray the funny lines. Almost eh comical relief in the comical play. What more could one ask for? I did not know. What a funny person! A young innocent fool who got rid of the evil Catherine from the last play and was in a happier world because she knew how to control the Catherine and she know how to send her away when needed.

Once again the role changed. I was told that I was the happy disgruntled fool. But only in the beginning. But what was I told now? I only had the funny comical lines but I was a downtrodden, servant who was always being beaten up, no way out and no way that I could find a better position. I was forced to be with my master since perhaps birth, and was friends with his friends and so forth but I had no friends. I was beaten up and picked on but it wasn't my fault. I didn't understand, and there was no where else for me to go so I send in jabs, I teased, I tortured with words and I tempted the new ones in the household. Broke them in you might say. My character morphed into something else, and once again Grumio was a part of me.

In my Grumio state I could see myself doing these things. I was downtrodden, walked over and pushed aside without more than a backward glance. I spate out vile things to scare the newbies because I needed someone to vent to. I was manipulative in what I wanted, used their wants to get my needs. Words can do so much damage in so little time. You hardly needed to say three words and you could finish off a persons self esteem for the day. There were those that I despised everywhere, but I tried my best to keep my mouth in check, until I was landed with this role. Then I opened my mouth, told those who needed to hear my opinion of them and what I truly thought of their behaviours.

Funny thing about behaviours though, you can be born with them, or you can adapt. Learning to adapt? You have to adapt in order to survive, there was no other way around it. Welcome to the land of adapting. You want a fight? I'll give you a fight. You want a hug? I'll give you a hug. You want a cup of coffee and say nothing? Sweetheart I'll even do that for you. 

What I'm accepting is that there is a name for every characteristic that I have. Grumio is the downtrodden servant, his only weapon is his sharp tongue and quick whit. Attack the younger, weaker bodies, while you can. Soon they in turn will adapt and become the same before you know it.

I have to keep my Grumio in check, as well as my Catherine. If not, I may become a shadow of my former self and succumb to others attitudes and charades.

I cannot afford to do that. Can you?