Dead

Its a cruel thing, to love someone then they are taken away. Its even crueler when you can hear thier voice on the wind, almost calling for you, but you know they're gone.  They exist in your dreams, in reflections from windows, thier shadows dancing in the sunlight with yours.  Then, as a blink of an eye, they are gone. The chance to say you miss them, love them, need them, is gone.  There is no take backs for things that you had said, or done to them. The chance was gone, you blew it.

I don't have another chance to hear Courtney laugh, or sing, or even dance for me. The wind plays tricks on me, I think I can hear her voice, but just as quickly its gone. When I'm driving and I lose the radio for a split second, in that split second I can hear her laugh, wavy like you would hear through a fan. Her dancing, I can see her in my living room, swaying and then energetically dancing to any beat from the old player. The shadows on the floor from the window flutter, throwing her shape against the wall, its almost too much that I can bear. I can't work anymore, I see her in the doorway looking for me, with a coke in her hand. The guys think I'm crazy, avoiding the front door, but I can't help myself. I'm always looking for her, like she'll just reappear, all dressed up in her summer dress, with no where to go but to visit me.

Alice. Ugh, Alice. I told her we had to break up. She looked me in the eye and said "I know." And just like it was done. No heart break, no tears, no questions. Just a 'I know' and a walk out the door. Who knows where she is now. I don't really care. I never loved her anyways. She might know about my love to Courtney, but I don't know, nor do I really care anyways. The whole world can know, I'll tell the newspapers. I hope Courtney knows that I love her, its all I have to hold on to her right now. She's all I have, I have hope, but will it be enough.